January 2012
8 posts
1 tag
Honest Fact from the Medical Community #1:
It is cute when some patients go out of their way and try to make things easier for people taking care of them. It’s a gracious but ultimately superfluous gesture: the folks taking care of you are trained to do what they do under a plethora of conditions and circumstances. Blissful, broken, bleeding or barely breathing, most professionals are going to get the job done.
My point:
...
The seeds of utter desperation are sewn rather deeply whenever I don’t have control of the music selection wherever I go. I’m such an adult.
1 tag
I Have [an] Envy
Me: Nathan, do you have the iPhone 4 or the 4S? Are you going to upgrade?
Nathan: I have the 4, I'm not interested in upgrading right now, my phone's fine.
Me: Really? There isn't that much of a difference? It's worth waiting for the 5?
Nathan: Well, it's not much of a difference for me. But as far as your phone goes, get a new one right now.
Nobody EVER seems happy when I request to hear “Them Bones” in the little, organic tea house I visit every day.
December 2011
16 posts
Let’s see, there’s barf on the floor, an empty bottle of wine, shards of broken glass in the living room and a tube of KY-Jelly squeezed out all over some overpriced neck ties.
Oh yes, nerds:
Christmas has started in my house, where holiday cheer is holiday mayhem.
I think I’ll go wake up the chihuahuas and let them help with the holiday destruction.
My name is Maximus Glutamus Digimus and I am here for your candy.
Louise: I grew up in a small village in Sussex... →
louise-louise:
I grew up in a small village in Sussex near the River Ouse.
Me and my brothers liked to climb along the bank on the river, to see how far we could get hanging on to tree roots and trying not to get wet.
I remember how my entire world was the village and the woods and the river. I remember as I…
I understand the need for comfort, but if you fly internationally in your pj’s you’re supporting the world view of us as lazy American pigs.
I can’t figure out how to STOP importing my Twitter feed guys.
I’ve checked in my settings, and don’t see an option anywere!
Any ideas? I feel like a dweebis.
Just got asked by a colleague if I use medical marijuana. Believe it or not, a first.
Do it, Alex!: Charles Bukowski - Raw With Love →
doitalex:
little dark girl with kind eyes when it comes time to use the knife I won’t flinch and I won’t blame you, as I drive along the shore alone as the palms wave, the ugly heavy palms, as the living does not arrive as the dead do not leave, I won’t blame you, instead I…
Today I’m going to go into my usual place for morning tea & just command the barista: “BITCH GIMME MY TEAAAAAA” in Nathan Explosion’s voice.
It’s not even 7am yet & a person just drove by blasting Ludacris. It’s nice to know douche bags still have reasons to wake up each day.
The worst thing about running into my ex-boyfriend in the Elliott Bay Bookstore is being reminded he’s still smart enough to read.
November 2011
20 posts
I’m 99% sure the puppies have been peeing & pooping under my bed…. my bedroom smells like something terrible & inbred happened in it….
You can either be angry that your fat, alcoholic boyfriend didn’t come home last night, or you can empty the joint account like a grown up.
Somehow, I always feel guilty if someone catches me eating random food when it isn’t lunch time. I can’t properly explain why I feel guilty.
I just know that if someone comes by and finds me mashing office birthday cake into my face all alone in the break room like a convict in solitary confinement, I forget my manners and scream defensively at any person who finds me.
Generally a...
I’m watching Star Trek IV, “The Voyage Home” and totally freaking out right now; from the look of things my chihuahuas speak whale song…
I really want to join Mensa, but I’m just not sure that I’m insecure enough about my intelligence.
RT @ScottieKaz: Theory of Relativity to Neutrinos - “Come at me, bra!” http://t.co/OhuIQTDt
I just read the US shut down another underground tunnel from Mexico. When is the govt. going to be nice to those little marijuana fraggles?
I’m finally taking a day off of work because I fractured my molar yesterday and had to have it extracted by my dentist.
Carl Sagan, soft foods and percocet shall commence.
Having teeth extracted is so vile.
My gross meter peaks with mouth ooze in any modicum of oozy awesomeness.
Gross.
God damn.
Gross.
Really nice of the Dept of Corrections to alert me that my murdering ex was released today. I’ve got time to prep my front door bazooka.
Sports Confusion
I’ve been reading about the NBA today and perhaps it’s my ignorance, I don’t follow professional sports of any kind, but I am really confused about this whole “disbanding of the union” thing.
I mean, are we supposed to feel sorry for the multi-millionaire players, or the multi-millionaire owners?
And for that matter, philosophically speaking, if a basketball falls...
Crowded bus. Perfect professional to hobo passenger ratio. Yup. Time to unleash my weapon of mass confusion: crying out loud for no reason.
1 tag
Yo nerds.
I just spent 20 minutes talking to a guy on the phone while he was pooping.
….. Grunting while farting and pooping and telling me about it.
….Telling me that he was sure I’d heard worse.
.. Nevermind that I have.
.. Nevermind that I will.
Let’s just focus on the glass is half gross factor.
Thank you, that is all.
No matter what neighborhood I’m in, I still get freaked out if a stranger waves frantically at me from the window of some volvo at night.
Call me an elitist, but if a doctor uses the term “y’all” too many times, then I’m automatically getting a second opinion.
RT @GeorgeTakei: Kim Kardashian files for divorce after 72 days. Another example of how same-sex marriage is destroying the sanctity of …
For anyone wondering: my Halloween costume is the scattered remnants of the french fries I just mashed into my face like a guilty criminal.
Do real angels look at Charlie’s Angels and then say to themselves: Hey! Wait a second!…. we’re not whores!
October 2011
33 posts
Never fails… I’m behind a giant guy in the pit with a fuzzy pony tail.
I bet half the people at this show didn’t use hand sanitizer after going to the loo.
I’m about to do six hours of data entry and scanning while listening to the “Mission Impossble” Theme song. This is how hope is kept alive.