January 2011
28 posts
1 tag
I’ve never been good at keeping secrets.
The reason my little brother found out Santa Claus didn’t exist was because I found our Christmas loot in a closet. Did I have a sneaking suspicion concerning the nature of this merchandise? Of course I did. I can’t be blamed that my four year old brother was smart enough to put it together Christmas Day and erupt into a gushing fountain...
scotttfriday-deactivated2011021 asked: for the lady bits and the sliding glass door, you get to use your boobs.
i'm an equally opportunity destroyer.
i'm an equally opportunity destroyer.
1 tag
Checking my tumblr at work is always somewhat of a gamble. Sometimes, not always, but sometimes, there will be gratuitous lady bit action.
Or more.
But the accidental penis blog comes across my dash and it’s simply too delicious to scroll the blog’s name out of the window and then act incredulous and mortified when anyone in the office makes a comment about what the featured photo...
Being told that I have skin like a warm pancake would probably be an easier compliment to react to if there were no such thing as Ihop.
“The best artists know what to leave out.”
– Charles de Lint (via the-giving-tree-taketh)
If you think it’s cute to dress the whole family in matching clothes for family photos, I’m sure that’s not the only reason you’re Mormon.
Ladies and gentlemen when I tell you that Daniel Plainview is a badass, it is because he is a badass.
Drunk Owl? Shuddup. →
Even if this is utter rubbish, I laughed really hard reading this.
1 tag
So Let's Get This Strait.... →
You want to counter the negative media concerning your Muslim brethren.
You start a US based Muslim television network.
Your wife files for divorce.
You stab that wife, decapitate her body and leave it at the television network studio.
Now you’re on television.
2 tags
Good morning nerds.
I have awakened this morning to the sound of my mother, fifty seven years old two days ago, tossing her cookies in the hallway restroom likely due to her access of libations twelve hours ago.
I not only survived her belated birthday hell-ebration of last night, but also the following:
-losing hours of my life sitting on a couch watching her favorite movie...
2 tags
One of the girls in our billing has been playing My Chemical Romance all freakin’ day while I’m trying to proofread dictations.
She also got into a debate with me this morning about how her cousin swears she caught crabs from the seat of a roller coaster and how it’s totally possible for people to catch crabs from everyday places.
The Bible says I can kill her now, right?
I’m starting to believe the twat who handles Accounts Payable in our practice is a passive aggressive with a mighty vendetta against me.
For the last month she’s managed to destroy the employee bathroom in the clinic before I use it every single time and it’s slowly making me into a horrible person for all eternity.
She also comes into my office on the days when her system is...
Donald Duck gropes woman, is being taken to court. →
No, seriously.